Win had always thought Kev Merripen was beautiful, in the way that an austere landscape or a wintry day could be beautiful. He was a large, striking man, uncompromising in every angle. The exotic boldness of his features was a perfect setting for eyes so dark that the irises were barely distinguishable from the pupil. His hair was thick and as black as a raven's wing, his brows strong and straight. And his wide mouth was set with a perpetually brooding curve that Win found irresistible. Merripen. Her love, but never her lover. They had known each other since childhood, when he had been taken in by her family. Although the Hathaways had always treated him as one of their own, Merripen had acted in the capacity of a servant. A protector. An outsider. He came to Win's bedroom and stood at the threshold to watch as she packed a valise with a few personal articles from the top of her dresser. A hairbrush, a rack of pins, a handful of handkerchiefs that her sister Poppy had embroidered for her. As Win tucked the objects into the leather bag, she was intensely aware of Merripen's motionless form. She knew what lurked beneath his stillness, because she felt the same undertow of yearning. The thought of leaving him was breaking her heart. And yet there was no choice. She had been an invalid ever since she'd had scarlet fever two years earlier. She was thin and frail and given to fainting spells and fatigue. Weak lungs, all the doctors had said. Nothing to do but succumb. A lifetime of bed rest followed by an early death. Win would not accept such a fate. She longed to get well, to enjoy the things that most people took for granted. To dance, laugh, walk through the countryside. She wanted the freedom to love… to marry… to have her own family someday. With her health in such a poor state, there was no possibility of doing any of those things. But that was about to change. She was departing this day for a French clinic, where a dynamic young doctor, Julian Harrow, had achieved remarkable results for patients just like herself. His treatments were unorthodox, controversial, but Win didn't care. She would have done anything to be cured. Because until that day came, she could never have Merripen. "Don't go," he said, so softly that she almost didn't hear him. Win struggled to remain outwardly calm, even as a hot-and-cold chill went down her spine. "Please close the door," she managed to say. They needed privacy for the conversation they were about to have. Merripen didn't move. Color had risen in his swarthy face, and his black eyes glittered with a ferocity that wasn't at all like him. He was all Rom at this moment, his emotions closer to the surface than he ever usually allowed. She went to close the door herself, while he moved away from her as if any contact between them would result in fatal harm. "Why don't you want me to go, Kev?" she asked gently. "You won't be safe there." "I'll be perfectly safe," she said. "I have faith in Dr. Harrow. His treatments sound sensible to me, and he's had a high success rate-" "He's had as many failures as successes. There are better doctors here in London. You should try them first." "I think my best chances lie with Dr. Harrow." Win smiled into Merripen's hard black eyes, understanding the things he couldn't say. "I'll come back to you. I promise." He ignored that. Any attempt she made to bring their feelings to light was always met with rock-hard resistance. He would never admit he cared for her, or treat her as anything other than a fragile invalid who needed his protection. A butterfly under glass. While he went on with his private pursuits. Despite Merripen's discretion in personal matters, Win was certain there had been more than a few women who had given him their bodies, and used him for their own pleasure. Something bleak and angry rose from the depths of her soul at the thought of Merripen lying with someone else. It would shock everyone who knew her, had they understood the power of her desire for him. It would probably shock Merripen most of all. Seeing his expressionless face, Win thought, Very well, Kev. If this is what you want, I'll be stoic. We'll have a pleasant, bloodless good-bye. Later she would suffer in private, knowing it would be an eternity until she saw him again. But that was better than living like this, forever together and yet apart, her illness always between them. "Well," she said briskly, "I'll be off soon. And there's no need to worry, Kev. Leo will take care of me during the trip to France, and-" "Your brother can't even take care of himself," Merripen said harshly. "You're not going. You'll stay here, where I can-" He bit off the words. But Win had heard a note of something like fury, or anguish, buried in his deep voice. This was getting interesting. Her heart began to thump. "There…" She had to pause to catch her breath. "There's only one thing that could stop me from leaving." He shot her an alert glance. "What

Win selalu menganggap Kev Merripen itu indah, karena pemandangan yang sederhana atau hari yang dingin bisa menjadi indah. Dia adalah pria yang bertubuh besar dan mencolok, tidak kenal kompromi dalam segala hal. Keberanian eksotik dari fitur-fiturnya merupakan pengaturan yang sempurna untuk mata yang begitu gelap sehingga irisnya hampir tidak dapat dibedakan dari pupilnya. Rambutnya tebal dan hitam seperti sayap burung gagak, alisnya kuat dan lurus. Dan mulutnya yang lebar dipenuhi lengkungan yang terus-menerus merenung yang menurut Win sangat menarik. Selamat. Cintanya, tapi bukan kekasihnya. Mereka sudah saling kenal sejak kecil, ketika dia diasuh oleh keluarganya. Meskipun keluarga Hathaway selalu memperlakukannya sebagai salah satu anggota mereka, Merripen bertindak dalam kapasitasnya sebagai pelayan. Seorang pelindung. Orang luar. Dia datang ke kamar tidur Win dan berdiri di ambang pintu untuk melihat Win sedang mengemasi koper berisi beberapa barang pribadi dari atas meja riasnya. Sisir rambut, rak peniti, segenggam sapu tangan yang disulam oleh adiknya Poppy untuknya. Saat Win memasukkan benda-benda itu ke dalam tas kulit, dia sangat menyadari sosok Merripen yang tidak bergerak. Dia tahu apa yang tersembunyi di balik keheningannya, karena dia merasakan kerinduan yang sama. Pikiran untuk meninggalkannya menghancurkan hatinya. Namun tidak ada pilihan. Dia menjadi cacat sejak dia menderita demam berdarah dua tahun sebelumnya. Dia kurus dan lemah serta sering pingsan dan kelelahan. Paru-paru lemah, kata semua dokter.Tidak ada yang bisa dilakukan kecuali menyerah. Istirahat di tempat tidur seumur hidup diikuti dengan kematian dini. Win tidak akan menerima nasib seperti itu. Dia ingin sembuh, menikmati hal-hal yang dianggap remeh oleh kebanyakan orang. Menari, tertawa, berjalan-jalan di pedesaan. Dia menginginkan kebebasan untuk mencintai… menikah… untuk memiliki keluarga sendiri suatu hari nanti. Dengan kondisi kesehatannya yang sangat buruk, tidak ada kemungkinan untuk melakukan hal-hal tersebut. Tapi itu akan berubah. Hari ini dia berangkat ke sebuah klinik di Perancis, tempat seorang dokter muda yang dinamis, Julian Harrow, telah mencapai hasil yang luar biasa bagi pasien seperti dirinya. Perlakuannya tidak lazim, kontroversial, tapi Win tidak peduli. Dia akan melakukan apa saja untuk disembuhkan. Karena sampai hari itu tiba, dia tidak akan pernah bisa mendapatkan Merripen. "Jangan pergi," katanya, begitu lembut hingga dia hampir tidak mendengarnya. Win berusaha keras untuk tetap terlihat tenang, meski rasa panas dan dingin mulai menjalar ke punggungnya. "Tolong tutup pintunya," dia berhasil berkata. Mereka membutuhkan privasi untuk percakapan yang akan mereka lakukan. Merripen tidak bergerak. Warna wajahnya yang berkulit gelap telah meningkat, dan mata hitamnya berkilauan dengan keganasan yang sama sekali tidak seperti dirinya. Dia adalah orang Rom pada saat ini, emosinya lebih ke permukaan daripada yang biasanya dia izinkan. Dia pergi untuk menutup pintu sendiri, sementara dia menjauh darinya seolah-olah kontak apa pun di antara mereka akan mengakibatkan kerugian fatal."Kenapa kamu tidak ingin aku pergi, Kev?" dia bertanya dengan lembut. "Kamu tidak akan aman di sana." "Aku akan benar-benar aman," katanya. "Saya percaya pada Dr. Harrow. Perawatannya terdengar masuk akal bagi saya, dan tingkat keberhasilannya tinggi-" "Dia mengalami banyak kegagalan dan kesuksesan. Ada banyak dokter yang lebih baik di sini di London. Anda harus mencobanya terlebih dahulu." "Saya pikir peluang terbaik saya ada pada Dr. Harrow." Win tersenyum menatap mata hitam Merripen yang tajam, memahami hal-hal yang tidak bisa dia katakan. "Aku akan kembali padamu. Aku janji." Dia mengabaikan hal itu. Segala upaya yang dia lakukan untuk mengungkapkan perasaan mereka selalu menemui perlawanan keras. Dia tidak akan pernah mengakui bahwa dia menyayanginya, atau memperlakukannya sebagai orang lain selain orang cacat rapuh yang membutuhkan perlindungannya. Seekor kupu-kupu di bawah kaca. Sementara dia melanjutkan kegiatan pribadinya. Terlepas dari kebijaksanaan Merripen dalam urusan pribadi, Win yakin ada lebih dari beberapa wanita yang telah memberinya tubuh mereka, dan memanfaatkannya untuk kesenangan mereka sendiri. Sesuatu yang suram dan marah muncul dari lubuk jiwanya saat memikirkan Merripen berbohong dengan orang lain. Itu akan mengejutkan semua orang yang mengenalnya, jika mereka memahami kekuatan keinginannya terhadapnya. Ini mungkin akan sangat mengejutkan Merripen. Melihat wajahnya yang tanpa ekspresi, Win berpikir, Baiklah, Kev. Jika ini yang kamu inginkan, aku akan bersikap tabah. Kita akan mengucapkan selamat tinggal yang menyenangkan dan tanpa pertumpahan darah.Nanti dia akan menderita secara pribadi, mengetahui bahwa itu akan menjadi selamanya sampai dia bertemu dengannya lagi. Tapi itu lebih baik daripada hidup seperti ini, selamanya bersama namun terpisah, penyakitnya selalu ada di antara mereka. "Baiklah," ucapnya cepat, "aku akan segera berangkat. Dan tidak perlu khawatir, Kev. Leo akan menjagaku selama perjalanan ke Perancis, dan-" "Adikmu bahkan tidak bisa mengurus dirinya sendiri," kata Merripen kasar. "Kamu tidak akan pergi. Kamu akan tinggal di sini, di mana aku bisa-" Dia menggigit kata-katanya. Tapi Win mendengar nada seperti amarah, atau kesedihan, yang terkubur dalam suaranya yang dalam. Ini menjadi menarik. Jantungnya mulai berdebar kencang. "Nah..." Dia harus berhenti sejenak untuk mengatur napas. "Hanya ada satu hal yang bisa menghentikanku untuk pergi." Dia meliriknya dengan waspada. "Apa